5 Tips For Talking About Puberty

Mom and daughter sitting on couch happily talking

Before we begin, let’s all admit it—as parents and caregivers, we all feel anxious about speaking to our tweens about puberty. But we don’t need to be! 

Here at LuvFlourish, we believe puberty should be empowering, not embarrassing. And we’d like to offer a different approach for talking about the start of puberty—that it deserves to be celebrated. It’s a positive experience! Our goal is to help you communicate to your daughter that what she’s going through is completely normal—and is yet another thing that makes her unique, strong, and awesome! 

When we were growing up, speaking about “the birds and the bees” was embarrassing to discuss with our parents, and even more awkward to live through. It was probably a great lesson in what not to do. It doesn't have to be that way for future generations. 

Instead, we want to empower you to be your girls go-to resource for all topics related to girl’s bras and puberty. Does that mean you’ll have to answer an uncomfortable question from time to time? Absolutely. But these lessons should come from a parent or a trusted advisor versus a friend or peer, creating open pathways for future conversations that will evolve with time. 

Your tween's body is changing, which is extremely positive and 100% normal. And you’re in the perfect position to guide her through this transition! You know the biological process and what to expect - it’s natural and it happens to every.single.woman. In this article, we look at how you can help to reframe the narrative with your daughter, encouraging her with love, body positivity and open communication. All important things throughout her entire life, but especially when she starts going through puberty.

Five things to help you along the journey…

Empower (EmpowHER) her to radiate confidence, enthusiasm and to celebrate change. 

When it comes to that first chat, envision it as the talk you wish you had with your parents. Lean into the science and speak to her like an adult—knowing the proper facts will also make everything less scary! Remind her that this is totally natural—women are mammals with superpowers (like making milk) and that is cool! Above it all though, remember to approach all aspects with positivity, love, and understanding. A period—and boobs! Aren’t scary. They’re super powers!

Normalize puberty. 250M+ girls in the world are experiencing puberty at the same time. 

Your daughter may begin asking questions or wondering about puberty because she’s going through it—or because her peers are. Either way, point out to her that not only is she going through it—or her friends are—but that the strong female role models in their lives that have gone through puberty, too! And there are no surprises, women have been dealing with this for hundreds of years. 

Remind her that:

  • Her body is going to change. It’s going to feel weird sometimes which is normal. And if it feels totally fine, that’s normal too!
  • She’s growing up! These changes are happening to prepare her for adulthood and the process is fascinating.
  • The process will take a few years so be patient, love every phase and be proud and grateful for all of it.
  • Amazing women in her life—her mom, aunts, caregivers, cousins. Even famous women like Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Vera Wang and Kamala Harris—all go through this!

Focus on science and nature. 

Almost always, the first changes we see take place are the development of breast buds. This is when the pinkish area that has always been flat against a girl’s chest begins to be slightly raised (puffy). As this change continues, a firmness will develop under the nipple and over a span of months and years, the breast will develop from this. As they grow, this can be quite tender which is 100% normal (and temporary). Often, a girl’s bra (aka: training bra or first bra) can make her feel more comfortable - a softness barrier between her skin and outer shirt. This is followed by the growth of underarm and then pubic hair, and then, about a year after hair starts to grow, we expect to see a period. Sharing all of this scientific-sounding info with your daughter is a great idea. Rather than shy away from it, embrace it with her! Tell her how her body is going to change (not overnight!), and that it might feel weird sometimes. And luckily, products have improved greatly over the years with comfortable girls’ bras and period underwear :)

Positive Body Image & Strong Self Esteem.

Rather than treating puberty like something scary, take this opportunity to reinforce the positive aspects of it. Not only is her body changing, but she’s also further developing her sense of identity. Encourage your girl to be her authentic self. Girls develop at different paces—and that’s totally ok and normal! Some girls develop breast buds as early as second grade. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Instead, encourage her to stand tall and be a role model for her peers. Often girls will cave in their chests and hide. Remind her that literally every single human on earth gets embarrassed about stuff. Everyone! But it’s how we deal with it that counts. 

Open communication. 

Opening the door to let your daughter know she can ask questions—about ANYTHING—and that your reaction will be positive, loving, and helpful, is key to changing the first bra and puberty experience. Talk with your daughter (not TO her), so you can become her go-to person for puberty related questions—not her friends. It’s also good to start chats earlier rather than later. If your daughter isn’t going through puberty but her friends are, begin the conversation. Don’t be afraid to ask her questions—and tell her she doesn’t have to be scared either! Sharing the questions you had as a teenage can be helpful here, or suggest she can write her question on a piece of paper to chat about it later. Above all, remind her that no question is silly, no question needs to embarrass her, and that you’re here for her no matter what.

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